Everything's Perfect - Until it's not

I sit here in a home I created on my own, in a country that was once just a map on a screen. On paper, my life is near-perfect. I have a career that fulfills me. I am the most active version of myself I’ve ever been - I workout daily, I read daily, I run a website, I host a podcast. I have a loving partner and the kind of family people dream of.

I am immensely grateful. And yet, the loneliness still finds me.

It catches me off guard at the most random hours. It might strike in the middle of a busy workday, a sudden wave of sadness so heavy I can’t do anything but let the tears fall. Sometimes the moment is fleeting, other times, it lingers. Most days, I can pull myself back up by counting my blessings or distracting myself with something else.

But the truth remains. Moving abroad is the best and the worst thing you can ever do to yourself.

The Weight of Uprooting

Living a life overseas will force you to grow in ways you never imagined. It opens your brain to endless possibilities. But the cost is an uprooting so deep it leaves your chest feeling permanently heavy.

The toughest days aren't the ordinary ones. They are the festivals, the weddings, and the birthdays. In those moments, the loneliness doesn't just whisper, it screams. My family is the sweetest soul-group anyone could ask for. They do everything to include me - photos, live updates, endless video calls.

But in those moments, I just want to break out of the "rectangle" my happiness is trapped in.

I hate being this far away. I truly, deeply hate it. But then I collect myself. I put on a strong face because I know they miss me even more than I miss them. My happiness is their peace of mind, so I carry on for them as much as for myself.

The Silence of Productivity

I love how productive I am here. I am obsessed with self-development. But when my partner is out and work slows down, I am left alone with my thoughts. I try so hard not to let them drag me under, but sometimes they win.

There are days when there isn't a physical soul around. Everything is virtual. Everything is a screen. By Wednesday, I often find myself wondering how I’ll make it to Friday until the "busy-ness" saves me again.

Letting the Light In

I consider myself a happy person. I really do. But not having many friends around, or any family around, really does get you sometimes.

I’m writing this because the best way to cope with these emotions is to express them. To let them go. If you are sitting in your own "perfect" life somewhere far from home, feeling that same sudden ache in your chest, know that you aren't ungrateful. You’re just human.

Sending love and light.